Back handed compliments still hurt!!

A 'dear' friend of mine and I were talking the other day. She commented on how many wonderful things my children had received for Christmas. I thought she was praising me for my bargain hunting abilities. Which I should mention are stellar!! And then she started talking about how her and her husband decided that there is too much materialism in the world and they were not going to be part of it. So they decided to have a Christmas centered on Christ and not go crazy like I had and buy too much. At first I was pissed off. I thought "really, didn’t you just get back from Disneyland, another trip to Utah and a $600 bike stroller?" and now you are trying to cut down on the materialism? Ironic.


I just thought for a second about how to respond... And then I thought well "too bad we can't all be as proud of being humble as you are!!" Before I ruined a friendship by saying that I thought... Saying you are having a Christ centered Christmas and then acting like a jerk means nothing. I made the decision to focus on the Savior and I ment it. I didn’t go around telling people (until now!) I wanted my actions to show it.
By no means do I think I am more righteous than her... but sometimes outwardly acting REALLY righteous does not make you so.
My new Christmas wish this year... Find friends that actually like me!

Do you have room for the Savior?

I was so touched by this video.  I wanted to share it!

The most wonderful time of the year!

Since this is after all, "the most wonderful time of the year!" I have been busy getting ready for Christmas! Oh, yeah also... we moved. Ahhhh I hate moving but I think pretty much everyone does!

Lately I have been feeling a little gypped because in all the moving commotion I haven't had much time to sit down and feel the Christmas spirit. Last night we went to the Mormon Tabernacle choir concert. As I listened to the carols (kid free yay!) I felt it. I sat there and knew that this was His season. I was so grateful for the gospel and for all that I have because of it! They sang the song "Oh, Little town of Bethlehem" and you could not help but feel the spirit. It was so strong. I sat there imagining that wondrous night when He was born. How must Mary have felt knowing she had just given birth to the Savior of the world. He truly is the light of the world. He is my Savior and friend!
I hope and pray that this holiday season His love will be with you, that you will feel it in your hearts and homes. I hope that it will fill you with power and strength as it does for me. I know that He lived, that He walked the shores of Galilee long ago, and was born in Bethlehem. I know He knows each one of us and is always mindful of us. I love this season and hope that you take some time to feel the spirit of this, His holiday season!
Merry Christmas!
Lyn

I love fall!

I have been busy! I got the swine flu finally recovered after a few weeks! It's nasty! You do not want it trust me!
We went up to the mountains and saw all of the fall colors! Hard to describe how beautiful fall can be, but it was breathtaking! I love fall it's such a wonderful time of year! I love the leaves changing and all of the fun like Halloween, pumpkin carving, and caramel apple cider!
I once saw a sign that said "Fall a season for change" Now every fall I always think about things I need to change. This year I want to focus on having more charity, not in the Sunday school answer way but really truly having charity. The other day I was talking to a friend and after getting off the phone I complained to my husband for 20 min about how annoying this particular friend can be. I was thinking about that today and how I always sit in church and judge people. If I notice someone gets something new I think "I need a new dress too" instead of being happy for them. I struggle to see the best in people because I guess it makes me feel smaller in some weird way. I want to be happy for others and see the best in them. How do I gain more charity? How do I feel more love for others? I am sure part of it is finding more love for myself. So this fall in honor of my favorite season and all the beauty it holds... I am going to find the beauty in others! Wish me luck!

Running...

I am not a person who professes to love running. I might go so far as to say I hate it! But since the birth of my last child almost 8 months ago. I have been a little less than enthused about my body. I now have the mommy tummy, fat pack, pooch, roll, bulge whatever you want to call it! I started running 6 months ago after my recovery from my C-section and I mainly power walked for about 3 months. I decided one day that instead of running so I could look good and get all those sought after post baby compliments like "ooooh you are so skinny, did you ADOPT?" I would run for myself as a sort of therapy-like time. So I get my iPod on with Hannah Montana and church pop (don't hate) and run. It's hard to describe how my evolution from hate has become something I love. Today 7 months and 20 days after the birth of my 4th child I am back to my pre-prego weight!!! I am so proud of myself! I still have the pooch (in smaller form) And I can say... I accomplished something and worked my butt off (literally) to do it! Call it a runners high but I actually enjoyed running today!

A big scare can promote faith!

The other day while driving I was in an accident! Now before you worry it was not too bad! After the collision I got out shaking... All I could think was "WOW Heavenly Father must really be watching out for us!" I have never figured out while during hard, scary, lonely, and times when someone passes away we always feel our Heavenly Father's love the most! I did not sleep that night (I should add I was on the phone until 2 arranging a rental car, and dealing with my insurance) I just kept thinking what if... It's a mean game to play with yourself and one you will always lose but I could not help it! I am so grateful to be alive to have a chance to raise my children and to become a better person. Now I'd better go I am making dinner for my VT companion she just had a baby! Don't worry I'm not that righteous I already swore like 3 times today and drank a Dr. Pepper!!!!!

No I have not fallen off the earth!

Here are my thoughts for tonight...

Why can't Heavenly Father just let us know He exists? Why do we need Faith?

How is it possible to love our children so much and know that someday we will die and leave them?

Why is life so full of trials?

Of course I REALLY do know the Sunday school answers to all of these questions. But sometimes I feel like life is so overwhelmingly hard! Tonight while I was putting my children to bed I sang "Teach me to walk in the light" and thought about how my parents have taught me to walk in the light. I do know the gospel is true but I find myself sometimes wondering why if I know all this don't I FEEL more deep enjoyment in my life? I am happy most of the time but I still feel underneath there is a flood of pain and sometime anger. I guess I have finally had to admit to myself that I am mad, mad that life is not fair. I am mad that I hate to fly on airplanes, mad that I lost my unwavering faith, and mad that if my Heavenly Father loves me so much why, why do I have days where all I can do is stay in bed and endure panic attack after panic attack. There I said it. I am mad.

Now what?

How do I restore what has been lost? Where do I find myself again? Will I ever overcome all of this? Sometimes I feel like I jumped off a diving board into the deep end. I still don't know which way is up so I float. I don't struggle, I don't fight, I just float and wait for rescue. I guess that's the problem I have to do something in order to be rescued.

Someday I will but I think for tonight, I'll just go to bed!

Lyn

Why do I get annoyed so easily?

Well today was rather unproductive! I slept in, went shopping, and attended a ward fundraiser dinner. I had volunteered to do a photo shoot for whom ever wanted to pay top dollar for my photage skills (which are limited) and a friend of mine whom I had shot photo's for told me she would bring one to show my work. Well she took my photo and edited it on her own. Now I want to say she did a good job but it was a HORRIBLE representation of my artistic style!!!! I was furious when she came up proudly and announced that she had edited my photo! I love color, I love black and white but I hate when people make photo's look almost cartoon... She had the contrast so high it no longer looked like a normal photo. So here I was at a ward party all bent out of shape! What could I do? Get annoyed and ruin the party for myself! Typical ughhhhh!!!

My latest panic attack!

The other night I had a shower of sorts for the girl I visit teach. I had some 'issues' while getting ready... my son took the fondant which I had planned on using to make the AMAZING cake I had planned. I looked, and looked, and looked for almost an hour trying to find it. Could not! Still have not a week later. So I gave up and had a less than amazing cake. Oh well! Anyways it was a really stressful day and by bedtime they were back. Sweating at 1:00 am I got my husband up and told him I was having panic attacks. I don't know why. The stress had subsided and yet I found myself having them. I asked him to come into my children's bathroom (the only room I felt safe in) where we talked about it. I felt bad he had to get up at 4:00 am and here I was with my 'issues' again. After talking I felt better... But I resent myself. I wish I could cope with life better. I have always wanted to be one of those women who can do EVERYTHING! And the realization that I cannot because I can't handle it is really hard. I prayed, my husband gave me a blessing, and I read my scriptures. I felt better... not healed. But I slept and that was something!

Here it is!

I have been thinking about starting this blog for a while now. I use the excuse that I am too busy to do it but the reality is I am too lazy! So here it is my life dealing with anxiety, my opinions, my struggles, my religion, and my family!