Why do I get annoyed so easily?

Well today was rather unproductive! I slept in, went shopping, and attended a ward fundraiser dinner. I had volunteered to do a photo shoot for whom ever wanted to pay top dollar for my photage skills (which are limited) and a friend of mine whom I had shot photo's for told me she would bring one to show my work. Well she took my photo and edited it on her own. Now I want to say she did a good job but it was a HORRIBLE representation of my artistic style!!!! I was furious when she came up proudly and announced that she had edited my photo! I love color, I love black and white but I hate when people make photo's look almost cartoon... She had the contrast so high it no longer looked like a normal photo. So here I was at a ward party all bent out of shape! What could I do? Get annoyed and ruin the party for myself! Typical ughhhhh!!!

My latest panic attack!

The other night I had a shower of sorts for the girl I visit teach. I had some 'issues' while getting ready... my son took the fondant which I had planned on using to make the AMAZING cake I had planned. I looked, and looked, and looked for almost an hour trying to find it. Could not! Still have not a week later. So I gave up and had a less than amazing cake. Oh well! Anyways it was a really stressful day and by bedtime they were back. Sweating at 1:00 am I got my husband up and told him I was having panic attacks. I don't know why. The stress had subsided and yet I found myself having them. I asked him to come into my children's bathroom (the only room I felt safe in) where we talked about it. I felt bad he had to get up at 4:00 am and here I was with my 'issues' again. After talking I felt better... But I resent myself. I wish I could cope with life better. I have always wanted to be one of those women who can do EVERYTHING! And the realization that I cannot because I can't handle it is really hard. I prayed, my husband gave me a blessing, and I read my scriptures. I felt better... not healed. But I slept and that was something!

Here it is!

I have been thinking about starting this blog for a while now. I use the excuse that I am too busy to do it but the reality is I am too lazy! So here it is my life dealing with anxiety, my opinions, my struggles, my religion, and my family!