My personal Book of Mormon challenge...

I have decided to challenge myself to read the Book of Mormon by my birthday. I will start tonight and that gives me a little over 3 months. I know that in times past when I have poured over my scriptures instead of just 'reading so I can mention it in Sunday school' Changes have come into my life that have power, my spirit is literally shaped into something it longs to be. I will keep you updated on my progress!

Sometimes He lets it rain.

Sometimes He lets it rain
He lets the fierce winds blow
Sometimes it takes a storm
to lead a heart where it can grow

He can move mountains of grief
and oceans of pain.
But sometimes he lets it rain.

When her heart surrenders
to the master in control
Her spirit learns the lessons
and the tempest in her soul

when it's no longer raging
She can see how far she's come
through the wisdom and
the mercy of the son

Sung by- Katherine Nelson

I feel this is the 'theme' song for my life lately! I suppose without the 'rain' my heart will never grow to where it needs to be! I was touched so deeply when I heard this song and I hope it can be of comfort to you as well!

You inspire me.

I love this video and am deeply touched by it! I just know if we were to meet we would become dear friends!

Time to dust her off...

I have been HORRIBLE about updating this blog!!! I think part of it is that NO ONE knows I write it! Anyway, this really is for me and my journey. Last night I talked to my sister about life. We laughed and cried and I told her about the journey I have been through these past years. I find myself often wondering... why me? Why do I have these specific trials? I find it hard to explain all that I go through and all of the pain I feel sometimes. My husband travels for his job and is gone half of the week in another state. This has been harder than I ever imagined. I am constantly overwhelmed by life and taking care of my family. I have three children and the thought of more paralyzes me with fear. I CANNOT HAVE PANIC ATTACKS DOMINATE MY LIFE!!! When I am pregnant anxiety rules my life. I seek refuge in the Savior and while that offers me comfort it does not take away the trial. My mother who is full of wisdom always tells me "anything in this life worthwhile is DIFFICULT." I know that is true.

Compassion

Today while on facebook I saw a good friend write about how her mother was headed into surgery... I did not think much of it. Later when I logged back on I saw that her mother had passed away. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I started to cry and hurt because I could only imagine what it would be like to lose your mother.

Here I am hours later thinking and contemplating what pain she is experiencing and how radically different her life will be without her mother. I started to think about our Savior's love for us. If I hurt this bad for a friend of mine whom I have not seen in years how does He feel when we hurt? I know He loves us so much more than we are capable of loving each other. Today I am grateful for the plan of happiness. I am grateful for the sweet peace the gospel brings. It is in times like these that we truly see the blessing the gospel brings to us and the happiness we can find in it!

"Really, it's 2 AM could you please shut-up so I can sleep?"

Two nights ago I could not sleep. I know I am not the ONLY person that struggles with not sleeping. I hate it when I begin to drift off and one of my kids wakes me up! That happened twice and by 2:00 am I had chatty mind syndrome I also call CMS and was about to beat myself because "really its 2 am could you please shut-up so I can sleep?" I let my mind drift off and start to worry about all things I struggle with in life.
During testimony meeting this past week a girl got up and bore her testimony. Although I was struggling to keep my kids at bay I listened to her simple testimony about trials. She said that we are given trials that are unique to each of us, and those trials we are given are for us to overcome with the help of the Savior. Not for us to overcome by ourselves. We are given trials to help us draw nearer to Him.


So here is my problem: All my trials seem to pull me away

I know the Sunday school solution to this problem. I need the practical one!
Back to the story: So by 3 am I was pretty sure someone was breaking into my house to kill me (another problem I struggle with is I am ALWAYS sure someone wants to kill me, and every sound in the house at night is a burglar!) Too many episodes of Dateline, and Forensic files!
So in my sleep deprived state I came up with this... Someone is not going to kill me tonight. And I must be pretty special to my Heavenly Father. If my life was easier and I had fewer trials then I guess I think... I don't need to grow and develop into anything special because the Lord does not have much planned for me. But I know He does. I can feel it in my heart. I know I play an intricate role in this life, I know we all do!

If I write it down... there is more pressure to do it!

I usually want to scream when people write all their new year's resolutions.  I tend to think it is a private matter.  That being said I am going to list a few non-personal resolutions that I will work on.

1.  Get on a plane oh and fly somewhere!
2.  Run a 5K
3.  Enjoy a vacation without any panic attacks!!

So that's it.  No lose 15 lbs and other nonsense.  Just a few goals that will be difficult for me!